DISCIPLINE

“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” – Ephesians 6:4

The fourth key to divine Order in the Family is the DISCIPLINE of children. In addressing the child-parent relationship, Paul spoke to fathers, commanding them to not provoke their children to wrath lest they become embittered or resentful. To “provoke” or “embitter” does not simply refer to a child getting angry casually. It describes a deep-rooted, settled anger that stays in the child and affects his or her person all through life. The word “father” can also be translated “parents” as used in Hebrews 11:23, when it says Moses’s “parents” hid him for three months because they saw he was not an ordinary child. This error of provocation is committed not only by fathers, though they might be most inclined towards it, but also by mothers. A parent can so much embitter a child that he becomes heartless and discouraged.

Here are five of many ways in which parents can produce bitter children:

Neglect: children grow bitter in the absence of parents due to lack of love and affection. Some parents neglect their children for career or work, running after ephemeral success! Ultimately, this hurts children both emotionally and spiritually. Many parents neglect their children in formative ages, by sending them away to boarding schools in order to compensate for their lack of being around. God’s design is for parents primarily, not teachers, coaches, or babysitters to raise children. A sad example of neglect is seen in the story of David who neglected his children, with dire consequences. Your children must be prioritized over your work, church, entertainment or social life. Only God and your spouse come before them.

Lack of Encouragement and Affection: healthy parents discipline their children when they do wrong, but also reward them when they do well. This balanced approach teaches the children fairness. The story of Martin Luther showed how his father never encouraged him or showed him love, such that Luther found it difficult to pray: ‘Our Father.’ The word father in his mind represented nothing but severity.

Lack of Discipline: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (Pro.22:15). Parents embitter their children by not driving the foolishness of sin out of their hearts through sound discipline. Spoiled children are thankless and bitter. Because they get their way all the time, they are bitter whenever any authority does not give them their way or when life is tough and challenging. Parents who do not discipline their children and instead give them everything they want often become surprised when their children eventually rebel against them later in life. These spoiled kids want nothing to do with their parents. Sadly, this happens too often, even in the church.

Abuse or Improper Discipline: verbal or physical abuse of children sows seeds of hatred in their hearts, which may be hard to uproot. Such children often abuse others because of the anger in them. This could also be due to improper discipline. When a parent unwisely reacts in anger by cursing, criticizing or being overly harsh, it trains the child to do likewise. Even if the punishment is just, the improper use of anger tells the child it’s OK to be angry and curse, hit somebody or go crazy. He grows up fighting everybody or holding grudges against all who failed him. A good parent will patiently evaluate the child’s sin, motives, and his own heart in order to respond and still discipline appropriately.

Favoritism: siblings become embittered against and grow up disliking one another because of unwise parenting practice of showing favouritism. An apt portrait of this is in the story of Jacob and Joseph: Jacob gave Joseph the robe of many colors, as his favorite son above the other eleven. This embittered the older siblings against the father and against Joseph. In their envy, they kidnapped and sold Joseph into slavery.

Parents have the duties of balancing discipline (the rod) and encouragement (apples), and sharing these without partiality, in order to nurture children that’ll flourish to God’s Glory.