DIVERSE KINDS OF LOVE

“Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater that the LOVE with which he had loved her…” – 2 Samuel 13:15a

A balanced, biblical meditation on Love will be incomplete without a closer look at DIVERSE KINDS of LOVE. From a Christian perspective, the word “love” has at least four connotations, relative to their nature. The four Greek words for love are: eros, philia, storge, and agape. Each of these relates respectively to: romance, friendship, affection; and charity.

Eros – romantic love – is mainly about sexual passion. This essentially fleshly, body-based type of love describes sexual attraction and physical or emotional desire, often with a lack of control. This type of love is felt when one is romantically and sexually attracted to another. It describes the natural feeling of “falling in love,” whereby people lose their mind and hardly control what they do. They are willing to do anything for the person they have fallen for without weighing the consequences. Erotic love is powerful and passionate, but fleeting and can dissipate quickly. Relationships that are built solely on Eros love tend to be short-lived. Eros lights quickly, but burns out in a second! It often describes a ‘lover’ who craved another passionately until the craving is satisfied, as it was in the case of Amnon and Tamar.

Philia – friendship bond or brotherly love – is the affectionate love between friends, which could be as close as siblings in strength and duration: “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Pro.18:24). It is linked with loyalty, purity, companionship, and trust, as epitomised in the friendship between David and Jonathan (1 Sam.18: 1-4). This is the strong bond between people who share similar values and mutual interests; and it grows out of companionship, and is deeply appreciative. The Bible says: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”; and “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Pro.17:17; 27:17).

Storge – familial love – is to like someone through the fondness of familiarity. This is the kind of love between family members or people who relate in familiar ways. Such is the natural affection between parents and children, which could help a child to develop through attachment, encouragement, and security. True parents do not care what they’ll gain from their children, but instinctively give. It is the kind of love a mother feels towards her child, regardless of who that child becomes. This is the most natural and emotive kind of love: natural because it manifests without coercion; and emotive because it emanates from the fondness of familiarity. It may however be dependency-based and need-driven, hence liable to extinction if the needs cease to be met. Affection could be corrupted by distrust, inconsistency, jealousy, and possessiveness.

Agape – unconditional “God-kind” of love – is the love that persists regardless of circumstances. Agape love is representative of universal love. Greek thinkers considered this to be the type of love that people feel for other humans, for nature, and for a higher power. Hence, agape love is sometimes used interchangeably for charity and care for others. Scripturally, agape expresses God’s unconditional love for humanity and particularly His children, and man’s love for a good God: This selfless love is the greatest kind of love, and a uniquely Christian virtue. It is important for the Christian to grow in such a way that every natural dimension of love is considered and made to be subordinate to the love of God.

The notion of love is quite complex. Other types of love besides the four examined above are: ludus (playful, impulsive, immature love, defined by flirtatiousness, seduction, and sex without commitment); pragma (mature, well-nurtured, long-lasting love, seen in couples who have stayed together for a long time); mania (addictive and obsessive); and philautia (self-love, which though essential, can become unhealthy and turn into arrogance). The solitary word “love” somehow encompasses a wide range of emotions and actions. It is wise to view the different kinds of love as degrees of love, while working on the perfecting of Agape in all of life’s relationships.