HEALTHY FAMILY LOVE (1)

“Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to LOVE ONE ANOTHER” – 1 John 4:11

The Heart of GOD cherishes HEATHLY FAMILY LOVE: “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to LOVE ONE ANOTHER” (1 Jh.4:11). God created the Family as a source of growth, strength, and love. While family is usually defined as people who share a common ancestor, or the nuclear setting of husband, wife, and their children, many people form their families with the people they care about, even if they’re not technicality related. Family is essentially a manifestation of divine intervention: “God sets the solitary in families…” (Psa.68:6a). Whatever the origin, Family Love (or Familial Love) is a special type of love that comes with unique feelings, challenges, responsibilities and rewards; a bond characterized by deep affection, respect, loyalty, and healthy attachment.

While adults typically choose who they want to start a family with, bring into a family, or children to adopt, children usually have no choice about what family they are born into or who is in the family group. They don’t necessarily get to choose their parents or siblings. Despite these limitations, Family Love often still flourishes especially where the members have the opportunity to begin to bond early in life. Healthy Family Love is an intentional choice that typically starts with the parents, not an accidental occurrence without thought and dedication. The following considerations can help in Building Healthy Family Love:

Forming Healthy Attachments: Parents have a unique opportunity to teach their children how to form and cultivate healthy, stable attachments. As responsive caregivers, they can foster secure bonding and attachment that lead to higher social functioning later in life. A strong attachment to family early in life can give a child greater capacity to form healthy attachments with others.

Taking Responsibility: Every member in a well-functioning family takes responsibility for what is theirs to do. The parents would ensure everyone’s physical, emotional, and spiritual needs are met until the children can assume responsibility as young adults. The children have the responsibilities to love, honour and be obedient to their parents (Gen.46:29; Exo.20:12; Pro.30:17; Eph.6:1).

Encouraging Healthy Growth and Independence: As children grow older and have more opportunities to explore their world, they tend to develop new abilities and skills, and the independence to choose their activities outside the home. Wise parents would encourage their development into spiritually sound, emotionally strong, healthy adults by: providing the tools they need to learn, and support to find their purpose; allowing them to gain some measure of emotional detachment at times, with a safe space to return to; affirming one’s love for them; displaying such love through commendation, positive gestures, and physical affection.

Making Time for Each Other: This goes beyond living under the same roof. A family that lives under the same roof but spends no time together may not have the opportunity to develop and sustain healthy family bonds. If the parents are so busy with their adult lives that they ignore their children, the family may unhealthy, and the children dysfunctional.

Communication in the Family: When families communicate well, there are typically fewer conflicts, and those that do occur are often resolved promptly and amicably (Pro.25:11; Col.4:6; Jam.1:19).

It is usual in families with growing children, for Family Love to change as they mature. Being prepared for these challenges can safeguard Family Love and ensure that the family provides a strong support system for every member all through life. One who has experienced healthy family love is better equipped to help other families meet their peculiar needs and satisfy their desires.

Healthy Family Love involves taking responsibility, encouraging independence and healthy development, making time for each other, communicating effectively and resolving conflicts amicably. Through both challenging and joyful seasons, we can learn to love family better. Ultimately, it is the Holy Spirit that surrounds and fills our hearts with His Love, that overflows to our families, turning us into instruments of His blessings to them. How strong our bonds are with our families depends on Him. When God is made the Centre of our Family Relationships, the Family becomes a triple-braided cord that cannot be easily broken (Ecc.4:12).