HEALTHY FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS (3)

“Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous” – 1 Peter 3:8

Initiating and sustaining HEALTHY FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS requires constant nurturing: “Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous” (1 Pet. 3:8). Although this passage is often deemed to be controversial as it seems to lay down guidance on how husbands and wives are to relate, the essential underlying truth is that Love is the heart of every positive and healthy relationship. Here, Christian wives were counselled to defer to their non-believing husbands, so that the latter can be won over by their wives’ conduct!

In the cultural context of Peter’s letter to converted Gentiles in the Roman world, wives were expected to diligently follow their husbands. However, there was something already deeply subordinate going on in a marriage where the wife was refusing to follow her husband’s ‘ungodly’ religious inclination, which could, in and of itself, be causing marital tensions. Peter was concerned that the problem did not become exacerbated by any other negative pattern of behaviour. So, he wrote about this idea where non-believing husbands “without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives” (v.1). The husband could be converted not by the wife preaching to him but through the unspoken testimony of her upright behaviour!

Behaviour and conduct are pertinent to the success of relationships. In particular, Family Relationships involve interaction between the members of a household typically living under one roof, caring for one another, dealing with challenges, and transmitting family traditions. Just like any relationship, family relationships require constant and diligent nurturing. Whether it is the nuclear family of husband and wife, parents and children, or the extended family setup and kinships, a strong and healthy family relationship is possible only by prompt and effective communication, spending quality time together, protecting and caring for each other, and providing emotional and other support.

The first relationship that we establish after birth is with our family. When life seems tough, family plays critical supporting roles. Good communication, feelings of togetherness, and constant support are common features of affectionate families. To establish a stronger bond with family, we must spend quality time with them, appreciate their efforts, and work together. People living in loving families have better attitudes and richer values. Creating such families is however not easy. Every action has consequences, and we must nurture relationship daily to grow it. For instance, infidelity is rewarded with breakups, while love is rewarded with loyalty.

Strong, healthy family relationships have the following characteristics:

Good Behaviour and Conduct: Peter speaks of “chaste conduct…incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” (vv.2-4). He instructed the husbands likewise: “dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel…” (v.7).

Good Communication: “Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” (v.6a). This infers respectful communication. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” James 1:19 says, “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” A healthy family talks and listens to its every member. It encourages adults and children alike to have a say in decision making, share their opinions, or talk about their expectations and displeasures.

Feeling of Togetherness: “Finally, all of you be of one mind...” (v.8a); “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” (Psa.133:1). The members of the family share common beliefs and feel connected. This consciousness of oneness or likeness yields emotional affirmation and a sense of satisfaction of being together with like-minded people.

Spending Quality Time Together: Family members share meals daily or regularly, enjoy praying, playing, or simply discussing. They actively involve themselves in each other’s lives, but know where to draw a line, developing compatibility and strong bonds.

Showing Care and Affection to Every Member: “having compassion for one another” (v.8b). The family members have care, affection, and kind words to share. They accept themselves unconditionally while guiding whoever is deviating to the right path.