LOVE’S DIVINE DESIGN: AGREEMENT

“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed” – Amos 3:3

A practical dimension of Harmony in the DIVINE DESIGN for MARRIAGE is AGREEMENT: “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed” (Amos 3:3). Agreement in all realms – spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical – is essential to a fulfilling marriage. It begins with both husband and wife being God’s children: “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?” (2Cor.6:14-15). This is why Christian youth are encouraged to date believers, because once the dating process has started, it is too easy for emotions to overwhelm wisdom and strength, resulting in regrettable decisions. One who is unwilling to trust Christ before getting into an emotional relationship with a Christian will be unlikely to do so when the affair becomes more serious.

Walking in agreement demands that we know that God doesn't make two people exactly alike in the marriage relationship. Every couple must understand their individual differences and know how to handle such. A man and his wife may not enjoy the same things; they may differ in fashion and tastes, but they must agree on values and on major issues such as sexual intimacy, child rearing, finances, the matters of in-laws, life-goals, and their relationship with God. Whatever else they may disagree over, it mustn’t be over such make-or-break issues. In a good marriage, in the course of time, two people often understand each other’s needs without a word being spoken. The time they’ve spent together makes them aware of the things that enrich and the things that offend, and their devotion to one another makes their marriage a top priority.

To enjoy a blessed and great marriage, a couple walking in agreement will choose to be delighted with each other, and endeavour to regularly do all things together: talk together, pray together; play together, eat together, sit together, hold hands, and walk together. They just love being together. They genuinely enjoy each other’s company, loving every minute of it. This doesn’t come by chance. They treat each other with respect; never just ordering each other around, in public or private. They know the value of words such as “Please”, “Sorry, Love”, “Thank you so much” and “I love you” when the other does even small things! It is never ok, in public or private, to be crude or rude to each other. They try to never tease each other in uncomplimentary or hurtful ways. These are the ingredients that make a marriage stronger and sturdier.

In humility, each partner is reminded often of what a great treasure the other is, despite his or her faults (Rom.12:3). They concentrate on meeting each other’s needs. They are both givers, rather than one being a taker and the other a giver. They enjoy letting other people know how much they cherish, love and value each other, never making jokes to others at the spouse’s expense. They learn to work out their disagreements and resolve their differences privately between themselves. Each is cautious how he or she relates to others of the opposite sex, knowing that flirting and “over-the-line” teasing is a taboo. They enjoy sharing the details of life with each other: what’s going on at work or in the lives of the children. They do not keep secrets from each other. In Christ, the two have become one person!

It takes two people who have become one, with the grace and help of God, to make a marriage succeed. Many marriages end in separation or divorce because one spouse (sometimes both) begins to behave with such intense independence and selfishness that he or she spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and perhaps even physically “leaves” his or her spouse, thus breaking the covenant. Sadly, many couples experience “divorce” even though they remain legally married. Preventing divorce is far more than a dogmatic commitment not to do it. It is the result of a godly husband and a godly wife living with each other day in and day out according to the wisdom and instructions of the Lord!