LOVE’S DIVINE DESIGN: HARMONY

“And the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh” – Mark 10:8

Physical Intimacy is vital but Holistic HARMONY is the ultimate in the DIVINE DESIGN for MARRIAGE: ““And the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh”” (Mk.10:8). This and other passages point out this extremely important Biblical principle: a married couple are not really “two,” but “one”! When conflicts arise as they inevitably would, this realisation will enable the couple to put everything they have into pleasing, encouraging, helping, and loving each other. They’ll have one purpose, because they have one life!

Harmony or Oneness in all realms – spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical – is fundamental to fulfilment in the marriage relationship. The marital union necessarily involves the physical, but is always more than that. There is relational and emotional Oneness as well. The human being is spirit, soul, and body (1The.5:23). Therefore, couples in marriage must cultivate harmony in their spirituality (spirit), their friendship (soul), and their sexuality (body). If any aspect of this tri-unity is missing, the relationship will lack the divinely-intended intimacy. Sex on its own will never bring the satisfaction God designed it to give, except within the atmosphere of holistic harmony in a lifelong, open, trusting, and committed relationship.

Many sexual problems and challenges of intimacy in marriage stem from a failure of total-person intimacy. Sexual harmony must be built on the foundation of a primary, permanent, exclusive relationship that is growing in trust, openness, and oneness. In the absence of such holy and wholesome harmony, there would remain a superficial sense of closeness. Sin always hinders intimacy and harmony, especially in marriage. As soon as Adam and Eve sinned, they recognized their nakedness and began to hide themselves, not only from God, but also from one another. While as sinners redeemed by grace, we may never experience exactly what Adam and Eve knew with one another before the fall, to the extent that we abhor and deal with sin before God and one another and grow in holiness, we will grow in intimacy and harmony.

Notwithstanding the importance of harmony in marriage, we need to realise that oneness is not sameness. That the two become one doesn’t mean they are the same in every way and in everything: “He who made them at the beginning made them male and female” (Mt.19:4b). Many marriages fail because the partners misunderstand this fact of creation: God made couples male and female; not male and male or female and female! The basic difference in the constitution of the man – in terms of outlook, thought-pattern, emotions, and tastes – and that of the woman is deliberate. It is part of the divine design. Hence, oneness in relationship does not equate sameness or exact conformity to each other’s outlook or taste. One is not meant to become an exact replica of the other. Trying to squeeze the ‘female’ out of the wife and compel her to be like a male will only reduce her to a mal-functioning female. The wife also must not resist the ‘male’ in her man.

The husband should not try to refashion the wife as a man; neither should the wife judge the husband by female standards. He cannot change her emotions and unique female perspective. She cannot change his personality to conform exactly to hers. The woman is a wife because she is female. She excels at her role and does what she does best and well, because of who God made her to be – a female. The same goes for the husband.

A wise man has suggested that a successful marriage is based on two things: “finding” the right person and “becoming” the right person; and that the latter is harder than the former. Just because two people share the same bed and the same name, doesn't guarantee harmony. Marriages that work aren’t necessarily the result of finding the right partner. They’re the result of couples who work daily at walking openly and humbly before God and with each other. God designed marriage to be a testimony for Him, to bear witness of what it means to know Him.