MARRIAGE ORDER

“Therefore shall a man LEAVE his father and his mother, and shall CLEAVE unto his wife: and they shall be ONE flesh” – Genesis 2:24 (KJV).

One of the earliest institutions initiated by God is the MARRIAGE ORDER: “Therefore shall a man LEAVE his father and his mother, and shall CLEAVE unto his wife: and they shall be ONE flesh” (v.24, KJV). God, not Man, conceived, designed, and instituted marriage; hence it is central to His purposes. Marriage, like every other divine institution, is for God’s pleasure and glory, and for humanity’s good: “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (v.18). In other words, marriage – lifelong partnership of a man and a woman – is good! Hebrews 13:4 calls it “honourable”!

God made for Adam “a helper suited to his needs, not a mere mate or a sex mate, but a help-meet (v.18,20). Eve was “custom-made” to be cherished by her man as his treasured “Need-meeter.” Her mysterious making involved a complex, divine surgical process during which God anaesthetised the man to construct the wonder called “woman” (v.21). Eve came out from Adam’s ribs, indicating her closeness to his heart; her need for a covering, equal but functionally-differentiated partnership with her man; and her delicate mien. Eve was not taken from Adam’s feet to be stepped on, from his arm to be a menial slave, from the neck to be a lifetime load-bearer, or from the head to become the man’s competitor or controller.

The Order of Marriage is that ONE plus ONE equals ONE. This infers Leaving, Cleaving, and becoming One! God’s objective in bringing a man and a woman together is captured in these two very vital words: LEAVE and CLEAVE. The word “cleave” means to glue or to cling. So to leave and cleave is to sever and bond, to loosen and secure, or to depart from and attach to. The mystery of marriage is that two individuals of opposite sexes and varying upbringings and experiences meet, mingle, blend, and become inseparably glued, in order to complement and multiply the value of each other. The husband and wife are mutual covenant companions (Mal.2:14). They unite with one another in thoughts, goals, plans, and efforts.

A fulfilling and marvellous marriage begins with leaving all other relationships. Leaving implies giving other relationships a lesser degree of importance. While one still keeps friends, one’s best friend should be the spouse. Having members of the opposite sex as friends can be awkward at best and potentially damaging at worst. This calls for caution because most adultery happens through close contact and relationship, not mere sexual attraction. The man’s best friend should be his wife. If it is necessary to leave father and mother, certainly all lesser ties must be broken or left behind. This doesn’t mean that getting married makes one to be no longer a son, daughter or sibling. It simply implies having a new, primary responsibility – to have one’s spouse. The children must still honour mother and father, even when leaving has occurred.

Jesus declared: “and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mk.10:7-8). Beyond the natural benefits of this mysterious Order, marriage must be a reflection of the eternal relationship between Christ and His Church: “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (Eph.5:32). Following divine Order, marriage should be holy, hallowed and united before the Almighty God!

Depending on the extent to which order is adhered to, marriage can be maximised, mediocre or miserable. The blissful marriage in Eden before sin’s onslaught was a maximised marriage; whereas, the battered partnership after the fall typified mediocrity. The Maximised Marriage was full of joy, like heaven on earth. The Mediocre Marriage just manages to survive; the couple is divorced emotionally and spiritually though they may be living together physically. The Miserable Marriage is down with bruised consciences, broken hearts, depressed emotions, and bitter memories. God’s Perfect Will is for us to enjoy and experience the Order of Marriage rather than misery in marriage.