SACRIFICE

“Husbands, LOVE your wives and do not be bitter toward them” – Colossians 3:19

The second key to divine Order in the Family is SACRIFICE – Sacrificial LOVE: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it”, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph.5:25-28). This Love-command to husbands ran against the norm of ancient society in which the woman’s worth was like a piece of property in the husband’s service. Thankfully, Christ’s Redemption has restored the dignity of womanhood.

The Bible characterizes this Christ-like love as follows:

Sacrificial not selfish: He is to love her as Christ loved the Church – willing to die for her. He must at times give up other things to serve and please his wife. He must sacrifice time, entertainment, friendships, and even career in order to love his wife. This depth of love is impossible without the grace of God. It appears to be more demanding than the wife’s role because it is much easier to submit to someone than to give one’s life for that person. However, both submission and love must be mutual notwithstanding this specific instruction to husbands.

Realistic not just romantic: the husband should have no unrealistic fantasies about the woman he is marrying. She is not a perfect specimen. Christ loved the church and died for her in her state of sin and enmity against God (Rom.5:8). He gave His life to sinful and disobedient mankind, though knowing our faults. Married couples should avoid the false expectations stirred up by romantic literature, Hollywood, and social media. The husband must love realistically; knowing that he and his wife must be reformed daily by God’s grace, and she must be loved through her faults. It is written: “Love covers a multitude of sins” (1Pet.4:8). Unrealistic love will only cause disillusionment. Perhaps the reason why the highest numbers of divorces happen in the first year of marriage is that most love is unrealistic.

Purposeful not for mere pleasure: Christ’s love makes the church holy by cleansing her with the Word, purposed to making her the perfect bride – a purposeful love. Similarly, the husband must love his wife through sharing Scripture, getting her involved in a Bible-preaching church, encouraging her to engage in worship, stewardship or areas where she can grow and serve. He must encourage her to discern her gifts and talents and use them for the glory of God. He must be ready to be a spiritual leader. The two must mutually cultivate their character and calling in order to fulfil God’s plans on their lives.

Personal: He must love her as his own body and daily take time to cultivate a happy home. A husband will hardly forget to brush his teeth, comb his hair, clothe himself, and maintain his body every day, but sadly, we often go days without maintaining our marriages. It is very easy to get so busy with life and ministry that we allow weeds to grow up in the garden of our homes. Love must be personal. Although submission and authority in marriage seem to be ugly words in our society, there should be no issue with submission when a husband loves his wife as his own body. Just as the love of God brings men to repentance, the man must allow this love to transform his wife, and vice-versa (Rom.2:4).

There is in the created order a God-appointed distinction between male and female that makes the husband's headship or leadership in marriage fitting and beautiful. This headship is to be exercised in love on the pattern of Christ's love for the Church. The husband is like Christ, the wife like His Church. He is compared to the head, she to the body (v.28). Christ fulfilled his headship or leadership over the disciples through sacrificial service; He stooped to wash their feet (Jh.13:13-15).