LOVE’S DIVINE DESIGN: COMPANIONSHIP

“TWO are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his COMPANION…” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a

COMPANIONSHIP is central to the DIVINE DESIGN for MARRIAGE: “Two are better than one...” (Eccl.4: 9). Let us revisit the Book of Beginnings. God made Adam out of the dust, but Eve from Adam’s rib (Gen.2:7, 21-22). Perhaps this was to show Adam that his wife was meant to be his companion: one with him, a part of him, equal with him, and not a lower creation. A man is to cherish his wife as his own flesh: “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph.5:28). Eve was not taken from Adam’s head to rule over him, nor from his feet, that he should put her down, but she was taken from his side that he would protect her and keep her close to his heart.

The need for Companionship explains why God didn’t form Adam and Eve simultaneously. Before God fashioned Eve He put Adam through the exercise of naming the animals (Gen. 2:19-20). Was there a lesson in this for Adam? By naming all the animals, Adam must have discovered that for every animal there were both male and female, and then wondered at the end, “Where’s mine?” – “but for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him” – or “a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:20). God first made Adam feel the need for companionship that no animal could satisfy; only a woman could. A person who has endured loneliness will appreciate it better when the need for companionship is met. That’s why if a young man felt the need to get married but had to wait for a few more years to mature, he will probably appreciate his wife more deeply.

Companionship can be summarised in three words: NEED, LEAVE, and CLEAVE. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall LEAVE his father and mother and shall CLEAVE unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (KJV). Interestingly, Adam had no parent to leave. This injunction was therefore for us, his descendants. Marital companionship is conceived in need, but actualised in leaving and cleaving. For a man to leave father and mother in order to cleave to his wife in a one-flesh relationship puts makes the marriage relationship primary to the parenting relationship. The parental cord must be cut before the marriage relationship can be established. This doesn’t mean abandoning parents or cutting off contact with them. It does mean that a man needs enough emotional maturity to break away from dependence upon his parents to enter marriage.

Parents need to raise their children with a view to releasing them. If a couple builds their marriage around their children or the husband builds his life around his job while the wife builds hers around the children, they are heading for grave problems when it’s time for the nest to empty. Our children are with us at home for some years; our partner is meant to be for life. The best way to be a good parent to our children is to be a good husband to their mother or a good wife to their father.

Being single could be beneficial, as one uses the independence to serve God and for His glory (1Cor.7:32-33). The Bible however teaches that, for those who are “heirs together of the grace of life,” marriage is a special blessing from God. Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 underscores the value of Companionship in marriage: “Two are better that one…” (v.9a). Why?

• “…they have a good return for their labor" – partnership for greater productivity (v.9b);

• “For if they fall, one will lift up his COMPANION. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to HELP him up” – support in seasons of sickness or setback (v.10);

• “If two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone?” (v.11) – warmth and intimacy.

• “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him…” (v.12) – multiplied strength to stand and conquer in life!