RULES

 “Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul” – Proverbs 29:17

Law and Order are like two sides of a coin. The fifth key to Order in the Family is LAW – which may be in form of RULES. God sets boundaries and rules for our benefit and blessings. Adam and Eve were in the best possible environment. God had given them freedom to eat of all the trees in Eden, but drew the boundary lines around only one tree (Gen.2:16-17). Some blame God for what they see as restrictions. They may even accuse Him of trying to control their lives, but He gives us choices, just as He did Adam and Eve. His boundary lines are for our protection. David understood this when he wrote: “I have restrained my feet from every evil way, that I may keep Your Word” (Psa.119:101). God cares so much about us that He gives us boundary lines so that we will choose what is right. Rules prevent recklessness.

The home as the basis for Law and Order in the larger society also requires rules. Many parents are producing a generation of children who are allowed to rear themselves on the menu of television, violent videos, social media and the Internet –boundless minefields of spiritual and social contamination! In situations where both parents are at work, leaving one child to supervise another or under a care-giver, children become a law unto themselves: “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother” (Pro.29:14). Children need both supportive love and Law – principles and rules to live by. The real backbone of Love is Law and Order. Without these, love is just license: “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Pro.13:24). A refusal to correct is a refusal to love!

God’s Love towards His children sometimes manifests through chastisement: “For whom the Lord loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives” (Heb.12:6). Enforcing law and order is not easy, whether at home or in the larger society. But the alternative is a betrayal of our children and our God-given responsibility! Failure to enforce law and order so as to be “in the good books” of our children may end up costing us their long-term respect. To expect that young children would know right from wrong without being guided is a burden they shouldn't have to bear. They need to be supervised, corrected, and chastised when necessary: “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (Pro.22:15). Youth are prone to foolishness and fads; wise parenting will ensure loving but firm discipline.

Children learn to make sound decisions when there are rewards and consequences based on law and order at home. A lawless home cannot produce children who are a joy to live with. Giving our children boundaries and structure will make them feel accepted, cared for and secure. These two guidelines are however vital: (1) State and explain the rules clearly. Punishing a child over a rule he isn’t aware of or doesn't understand will make him resentful. Rules should be clear, doable, and observable; and the fewer the rules the better. (2) Enforce the rules consistently. Inconsistency weakens authority and breeds disobedience in children. What elicits a smile today shouldn't warrant a slap tomorrow.

These are seven additional points to observe:

1. Avoid comparing: Each child is unique. No child should be expected to be exactly like another.
2. Avoid hurtful labels such as “You're stupid, lazy, hopeless, useless, or a waste of time.” Describe their actions, errors or omissions; don't diminish their worth.
3. Avoid idle threats: drop the rule if you cannot enforce it.
4. Avoid bribes: they breed manipulation and diminish the importance of rules.
5. Avoid making fun of children’s faults or weaknesses.
6. Affirm your "No!" The future success and happiness of your children may depend on this.
7. Admit your failures. Occasional faults or falls do not wither your responsibility in ensuring that your children follow the family laws or rules!