WISDOM FOR EMOTIONAL MATURITY

“Let this MIND be in you which was also in Christ Jesus” – Philippians 2:5

God’s Word offers His WISDOM for EMOTIONAL MATURITY: “Let this MIND be in you which was also in Christ Jesus” (Phi.2:5). Romans 12:2 describes how this Key is used: “And do not be conformed to this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the RENEWING of YOUR MIND, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God” (Rom.12:2). We are called to live transformed lives of devotion to God in worship and to one another in loving service. Renewal of the Mind – Intellect, Emotions and Volition or Will – should manifest as the outworking of God’s Love in our lives (Rom.12: 9-18).

We hear much more about Intelligence Quotient (IQ) that “emotional intelligence.” Yet heart knowledge is as important as head knowledge. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and understand emotions in ourselves and others and to use this awareness to manage behaviour and relationships. Christianity should certainly transform us on the emotional and relational levels. Emotional maturity is in many ways the outworking of the positive behaviours to which Scripture calls us. Peter Scazzero affirms in his book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: “There is no spiritual maturity without emotional maturity.”

Any claim to Christianity which leaves the emotions and behaviour unchanged is at best immature, or at worst a counterfeit of the real thing. God designed our emotions to serve, not enslave us. Sadly, we see in Christian circles: Controlling and manipulative ministers; elders who gossip, rant, and look their cool; anxious, fretful, and fearful believers; and supposedly disciplined Christians who try to fix everyone around them. Emotional infants may claim to have been saved but still do not look much like Jesus. They cannot manage their emotions or relate well with others; and are enslaved to their feelings.

Emotional maturity seeks to: develop empathy; initiate and maintain meaningful relationships; break free from destructive thought patterns; express thoughts clearly; and learn how the past impacts the present. By God’s Grace, we can grow and become more empathetic and Spirit-led. Frank Powell suggests some seven key qualities of emotionally mature Christians.

They accept others without trying to fix them. We tend to want to fix people like we do things; but this is not healthy. People are not projects. We aren’t divine plumbers. We should leave the fixing to God, and spend more time listening than talking.

They step into conflicts empathically and resolve then in a healthy way. They avoid “fight or flight” or conflict avoidance tactics. Emotional maturity says we can deal with conflict in a way that brings both resolution and growth for both sides.

They give without expecting anything in return, rising above the tit-for-tat, “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” culture. They give of themselves without logging their work for future leverage, and are therefore never enslaved to anyone.

They believe that God cares more about and loves them more for who they are, than what or how much they do. They’re patient and hopeful, motivated by love to serve others, and balance time with God and service for God!

They are not perfectionists who rarely relax; are always impatient with others and always left with a nagging sense of failure. The emotionally mature never overrate their fallible nature; celebrate small victories; work hard, but also play and rest well.

They don’t play the blame game or victim card to buy attention or affection; but believe that life is a choice, not others’ fault. People and circumstances need not determine our Joy and Peace!

They receive criticism without becoming defensive, because they know their gifts, strengths, weaknesses, and unique ways God wired them to serve the world. Not tied to the opinions of others, criticism doesn’t unsettle them like a personal attack.

Emotional maturity is transformation from the state of "self-centredness" to “Christ-centredness.” Satan steals – God gives. Satan hates – God loves. Giving with outgoing concern is God’s way, and the principle of His Law of love. God will make us shining Models of Emotional Maturity as He works in us “both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (v.13-15).